


Nothing/Everything That We Do

by Oudemia



Series: Belonging [2]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Aftermath of Violence, BAMF Loki, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Hurt Loki, Hurt/Comfort, Loki Angst, Loki Redemption, M/M, Mild Gore, Non-Consensual Violence, Poor Loki, Protective Steve Rogers, Seduction, Sick Loki, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-04
Updated: 2014-08-31
Packaged: 2018-02-11 19:03:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 17,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2079597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oudemia/pseuds/Oudemia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The future is in trouble, and the key lies in the past - specifically with Tony Stark. And only Loki is able to go back and find it..<br/>Sort of a revisionist version of 'The Avengers' with a redeemed Loki, and more flirting (plus Loki whump, of course).<br/>A sequel to 'Possession' though it probably makes sense on its own as well.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Casus Belli

**Author's Note:**

> So it turns out you can't write just the one Loki fic - it's a bit addictive.  
> Also, yes, time travel - because how else was I going to get Loki to make a move on Tony without strictly cheating on Steve? God bless you, Timeworn Sci-Fi Trope!
> 
> DISCLAIMER: These characters belong to Marvel, sadly, and not to me.

INTERIOR - THE JOINT DARK ENERGY MISSION FACILITY

The portal is only open for a few seconds before the Tesseract shuts down the beam of energy, but it's long enough. As the blue tendrils fade like smoke, the SHIELD agents converge cautiously on the kneeling figure of a man, dressed in strange garments of dark leather and holding a weapon with a curved blade in one hand. The figure looks up through a curtain of long black hair before rising to its feet and casting an urgent searching gaze around the room. Wide green eyes latch onto Fury's, and in that instant Fury reads a flash of wild disorientation and pounces on it in an attempt to maintain control of the situation. Maybe, just maybe, this doesn't have to get messy.

'Sir, please put down the spear.'

The disorientation is replaced by determination, and a voice like silk answers him. 'I am Loki, of Asgard, and I...' The man staggers back against the wall and Fury takes the opportunity to edge closer, beckoning Clint to follow him. Loki stretches out a hand toward them, fingers splayed, but nothing happens. Only a few sparks and an electric crackle around his fingers. With a cry of frustration, he turns to slam the wall with his fist, leaving a fair-sized hole.

Fury can see Clint's trigger finger tightening out of the corner of his eye, but he gestures for him to wait. This could still go either way. And then behind him he hears the incredulous voice of Eric Selvig. 'Loki? Brother of Thor?'

Loki turns and fixes Selvig with a glare. 'That is no less insulting the second time. Do you people really know me for nothing else?' 

Something is definitely off here, and Fury repeats his request, 'Sir, I'm asking you again to please drop your weapon.'

As the agents surround him, Loki eyes them warily, as if considering his options, but at the last minute he seems to give in, drops the spear and raises his arms above his head. Fury isn't exactly reassured by that. He knows a tactical surrender when he sees one, and he knows trouble too, and it's coming off this guy in waves. But over the years, he has learned the value of diplomacy. Never burn bridges until you're damn sure you're not going to need them. Or until you have a boat.

'Sir, with all due respect, you are trespassing in a high security facility. Now, I realise that may not have been your intention, but I will have to ask you to come with me so I can ask you a few questions. Is that acceptable to you, or do we have a problem here?'

Loki looks down at his spear, lying on the ground at his feet, and anxiety registers briefly on his face.

'If it will make you feel better, one of my men will bring the spear.'

After a moment's thought, Loki nods tiredly and seems to acquiesce. 'It is acceptable, but on one condition. I must speak with Tony Stark, and without delay.'

 

 

Sitting across the table from Loki in a quiet office room, Fury begins to see more and more cracks in the god's haughty facade. Loki's manner may be offhand and aloof, but there's a tremor in his hands as they lie in front of him on the table, and seen from close-up, there are ghosts in the green eyes. In all, he is an unnerving presence, and Fury is glad Barton is there, standing quietly in the corner of the room, the spear in one hand. A team of agents are posted outside the door, but for the moment it's just the three of them.

This is essentially an interrogation, but Fury likes to start off civil - sometimes the gentle approach yields quicker results. 'You look tired. Can I get someone to fetch you a coffee while we get started?'

Loki looks momentarily hopeful, then an expression of distaste crosses his features. 'Thank you no. I have been unfortunate enough to sample coffee at a SHIELD facility before.'

Astonished, Fury glances up at Clint, who shakes his head slightly without taking his eyes from their curious guest.

So much for civility. 'So you claim you know about Stark, you know about SHIELD, you even know about our goddamn coffee, and yet neither of us has ever seen you before. Just how much did your brother tell you? And what else do you know about us?'

'I know a great deal about you, Director Fury.' Loki leans forward in his chair. 'And everything about you, Agent Barton. But that is not the issue here. It is imperative that I speak to Tony Stark with all speed. Why are you delaying?'

Fury ignores this last. 'You know who I am too? Excuse me, but I don't believe I've had the pleasure.'

Loki's answering grin is genuine. 'Oh, you will. Although you consistently refuse to acknowledge it as one.' His smile fades as quickly as it appeared. 'But we are wasting time, and you have no conception of how literally I mean that. I require your swift cooperation. I demand to see Tony Stark.'

Fury grits his teeth behind his frown. Civility has already failed, and sarcasm doesn't seem to making much headway either. Perhaps it's time for some straight talking.  
'What the hell do you think SHIELD is, some kind of matchmaking agency for superbeings? I will contact Stark and as when I've ascertained whether or not you're a threat to him, or to us. You don't get to talk to him until you've answered my questions and at the moment all you're doing is making demands. Although I have to say, it sounds like you need us more than we need you. So in case you were wondering, the word you're looking for is 'help'. The other is 'please'.'

Loki's eyes narrow briefly and then widen again. He spreads his hands on the table in a conciliatory gesture. 'There is no need for us to be at odds. I am not your enemy, Director Fury.'

'I'll be the judge of that if you don't mind.'

'I could have lied to you about who I was. Perhaps it would have been easier if I had.'

The nerve of the guy. 'If you're trying to win my trust, you're going about it in a very unusual way. I'm sensing that honesty is something of a sticky issue for you, am I right?'

Loki's expression is deadpan. 'Something new that I am trying. So far I am.. undecided.'

'Well let me know how that works out for you. In the meantime I want to know what you're doing here.'

'Wasting my time apparently.'

Fury has had enough of this. 'Oh I'm sorry. Perhaps you have somewhere you'd rather be? One straight answer, right now, or Barton walks out of here with your spear and I don't think you...'

Loki interrupts him, leaning forward with an intensity that actually makes him flinch. Clint steps forward but Loki doesn't take his eyes from Fury's as he says, 'There is little point in my revealing anything of my intentions to you since in a few moments my magic will return and I will move on, and this episode will never have happened. I could warn you that agents of HYDRA are currently holding high-ranking positions within your organisation; I could tell you that a few days from now, I, the old me that is, will lead a full-scale attack on the city of New York. I could even reveal to you that I will indeed win your trust, but it will take me two and a half years, most of which I would rather forget. But none of this will help you because in a few seconds you will remember none of it, and everything will have reverted to the way it was.'

He could almost have believed it if it wasn't for that last part. Trust this smooth-tongued son-of-a-bitch? 'You're just stalling, aren't you? What is it you're waiting for?'

Loki stares him out silently, as if he's said everything he intends to say.

'Did you come here alone? Are you working with anyone else?' Silence. 'Did someone send you here?'

Loki heaves a sigh of impatience. 'Yes, yes, and yes. Do you truly wish to know who sent me?'

'I'm all ears.' 

Fury leans forward too now, and those haunted eyes are inches from his as Loki murmurs, 'You did.'

And then something flashes across the god's face as if it were lit from within, and Loki closes his eyes in relief. 'Finally.'

Fury doesn't see him move, but in an instant he is standing beside Clint and touching those long fingers to the spear. And then...

 

 

...the sound of Coulson's voice, 'Director? Director Fury, do you copy?' 

Fury can feel the heat from the burning helicopter on his back as he apprises Coulson of the situation.

'The Tesseract is with a hostile force. I have men down. Hill?'

He issues orders, prioritising search and rescue, and the recovery of the Tesseract, almost dreading the words he has to say next..

'This is a Level Seven. As of right now, we are at war.'


	2. Entente

INTERIOR - STARK TOWER

 

This is not how Tony Stark had planned to spend his evening. He should be celebrating with Pepper over a glass of Dom Perignon, and instead he's doing 'homework' on his own while Pepper flies off to DC. Not that Eric Selvig's notes aren't eye-opening. The more he reads about the Tesseract, the more he's itching to get his hands on it (for experimental purposes only, of course). The power of the thing is more than astonishing, it's, well, terrifying actually. But the things you could do with it.. Wielding power like that could go to anyone's head, and the idea of it in the hands of someone who sounds like they're only borderline sane to begin with doesn't even bear thinking about. Except he has to think about it. Damn his unparalleled intellect..

He's engrossed in the problem of the quantum tunnelling effect when JARVIS interrupts politely, with a discreet cough. 'Sir, I know you said you weren't to be disturbed for the next few hours, but I'm afraid there's another SHIELD agent downstairs and he says he needs to speak with you urgently. His identification checks out - shall I show him in?'

'Thanks for breaking my concentration, JARVIS, I think my brain was about to hit critical levels of brilliance there, but, hey, the night's still young. OK, send him up - I could use a break. And a drink actually.'

He goes back to his reading, and must have zoned out because he doesn't hear the agent enter the room. But the next thing he knows, he's on his feet and a cool slim hand is being thrust into his, and something seems to be passing between then, an electric tingle that runs all the way up his arm to the base of his skull. He feels momentarily dizzy, but then everything comes back into focus and he hears his visitor introduce himself in clear English tones.

'Agent Green. It's good of you to see me, Mr Stark. I'm sure you're a very busy man.'

Only then does he take a good look at his guest, and realise that the figure in front of him differs considerably from what he was expecting. Instead of the quiet unobtrusive looks of Agent Coulson, this person would draw attention wherever he went. Tall and slender, with shoulder-length black hair and arresting aquamarine eyes under dark brows, he holds himself with a graceful poise. The dark suit is beautifully tailored and suggests a marked improvement in SHIELD regulation attire. And since when did SHIELD agents carry a cane?  
The agent proffers his ID, and scanning it quickly, Tony frowns - the man looks far too young to have attained the rank of a level 9 agent. Somewhere distant, alarm bells are ringing in Tony's head - it's as though there's something he should know or recognise or.. No, he can't quite reach it. And in any case the nagging doubt is being drowned out by a rush of fascination. He wants to know more about his odd visitor. Much more.

'I'm busy, sure, but I'm also a really good multi-tasker so it's no biggie.' And never let it be said that Tony Stark didn't make time for an attractive stranger, especially one as mysterious as this. 'Although', he adds, 'the last SHIELD agent who was here just made off with my girlfriend, so I'm sorta nervous about what's going to happen this time.'

The agent smiles disarmingly, 'Nothing so distressing, I assure you.' He gestures at the empty couch. 'May I sit down?'

'I wish you would. Normally I just refuse to talk to people who are taller than me, but in your case I'll make an exception. Probably.'

They settle themselves on the couch and feeling unaccountably nervous, Tony reaches for the bottle on the table in front of him, conscious that he is starting to babble.

'You're probably not allowed to drink on duty, right? Only I do have this open bottle of champagne that won't keep. It's kind of a first-world problem I know, but..'

'Then clearly it would be ungallant of me not to assist you.'

There's something a little odd about the way the man speaks, but then again nothing about this agent is quite normal. Coulson won't even accept a glass of water from him whilst on duty (and as far as he knows, the man's always on duty.)

'You, sir, are a life saver,' he says, pouring two glasses and handing one over. The agent accepts it graciously, and Tony reaches out to clink it against his own. He's aware that he's acting strangely too - this is business, not a date - but he also doesn't seem to care very much. He feels light-headed and happy, and he's experiencing a frisson of excitement that's quite unlike anything he's felt for some time. It's that same thrill he got the first few times he donned the suit. Danger, adventure, a sense of the unknown. It's exhilarating.

The agent takes a sip of champagne, his eyes roaming around the room and settling on a particular spot on the floor, near the steps. He smirks slightly to himself and Tony wonders what's going through his mind. He finds himself wanting to impress the man, like a schoolboy with a crush. 'Can I get you anything to go with that? Beluga caviar? Sustainable, of course. Anything you want, I'm sure JARVIS can rustle it up.'

The young man looks up from his reverie, the deep-sea eyes shining with some private memory. 'Thank you, but no. The champagne, and the company are more than enough. Your hospitality is, as ever, faultless.' 

There is genuine affection in the smile the agent bestows on him, and he is so utterly charmed that he doesn't stop to think why, or what the man meant exactly by his comment. Really, he should ask why the agent is here, and get back to his reading, but he finds himself reluctant, wanting to string this out as long as possible, to keep the man here, to.. what? Where does he think this is leading? He's actually disappointed when he hears Agent Green say, 'But I am keeping you from your work, let me tell you why I am here. Mr Stark, we need your help.'

'I thought I was already helping you. Or am I reading through someone else's science project just for fun?'

A strange look comes over the agent's face. 'The break-in at the SHIELD facility, the Tesseract, these things are not important - forget them. Another situation has arisen which takes precedence.'

But. 'They.. seemed kind of important to Agent Coulson.'

'I said forget them.' There's a sudden sharpness to the agent's tone. 'In a matter of days, the Tesseract will be returned to Asgard, and the thief apprehended - a nobody, a vain pretender grasping at power he cannot hope to control. He will fail, and pay the price for his futile ambition.' He leans forward, the sharpness giving way to urgency. 'This is different. Something else has come up, and we must ask even more of you.' The agent lowers his voice, but his next words fill every space in Tony's skull, echoing loudly around his brain. 'Tell me about the Delta Plan.'

This is not right, it's not right. Why can't he think clearly? Stalling for time, he feigns even more confusion than he's actually feeling.

'About what, now?'

'Your research into the Delta contingency plan - a situation has arisen and we need it urgently to prevent further catastrophe.'

Tony's head is spinning - the SHIELD break-in, and now this new 'situation', there's a connection between them if only he could see it. 'Director Fury must have told you, I stopped work on the Delta Plan months ago and destroyed all my notes. It's gone. There is no contingency plan.'

'Oh but there is. You never destroyed the notes, you merely secured them with a password. Which I need you to give me. Please.'

He wants to give this beautiful young man anything he wants, he really does. But this?

'It wasn't right for SHIELD to have that kind of a weapon - it wasn't their decision to make. I shut the project down and I'm glad I did.'

'I understand. And yet the weapon still exists, in your files and in your own mind. It is too great a burden for one man to bear.' The agent moves closer to him along the couch and he realises belatedly that he's being seduced. And furthermore that he wants to be.

'Are you playing me, Agent Green?

'I don't know, am I?' The agent leans toward him, his voice soft and suggestive. 'And are you so sure that we are not, in fact, playing each other?' He smiles and his eyes glitter like gems. 'I have always been fond of games.'

The eyes are almost hypnotic, they're drawing him in and he has to look away, at the hand lying casually against the agent's thigh. With a small shock, he notices that the narrow wrist is encircled with a vicious-looking scar, ridged and dark against the smooth pale skin. Furtively, he looks at the other hand, draped on the back of the couch, and sees the same cruel markings. What happened to this man? He has been captured, perhaps tortured, could he have been compromised? The hand moves, sliding an inch toward him and suddenly he finds his thoughts turning in another direction altogether; he imagines those torn wrists stretched above the man's head, firmly tied, and that lovely head thrown back in ecstasy. He pictures him helpless, pinioned, and at his mercy, and the image evokes a powerful response in him.  
What the hell? He tries to think of Pepper but he can barely summon to mind even her hair colour. She seems like a fiction.  
Is he drugged, bewitched? Is he dreaming? Of course if this is a dream then anything goes. And if he's drugged, he can't exactly be held accountable for his actions, can he? Some part of him resists - he's never even thought of being unfaithful to Pepper, never wanted to, and this is all too sudden, too powerful. He almost wishes he were wearing the suit, he feels so unprotected. Agent Green moves his hand just a tiny bit further until it's almost touching Tony's cheek. 

'How can I help, Mr Stark? Let me lighten the burden for you if I can. You need only tell me the password and I will do the rest.' 

And it's so tempting just to let go and tell him everything. To confide in someone. He looks deep into the man's eyes and he sees in them power and fragility, and an iron will - a kindred spirit. This is a man who could understand. And as the agent's fingers finally brush the skin above his ear, it's on the tip of his tongue to reveal the password and damn the consequences when two things happen simultaneously.

A flicker of pain crosses the agent's face and he draws a quick gasping breath, pressing his hand to his own temple. And at that instant Tony's mind clears and he leaps to his feet with the realisation that had been eluding him - that he knows this man. Because he had been staring at a CCTV image of those same pale features only moments before he arrived. Camera 3, the break-in at the SHIELD facility. Loki. 

The agent, or rather the god, is looking up at him and shaking his head in what looks like anguish. 'Don't.'

'It's you,' Tony breathes. And as he opens his mouth to issue a command to JARVIS, he finds himself flung backward onto the couch and Loki pinning him down, one hand pressed over his mouth. The god's eyes are burning, and even through his fear, even now that the spell or whatever it was has dissipated, Tony experiences a sharp thrill of arousal.

Loki seems almost to be talking to himself as he growls, 'I need that password, and I will have it - if not this time then the next. But you cannot keep fighting me like this. I have limited time and strength. I cannot even change my physical form - my magic is weak, I am weak - merely keeping my mind focussed on this time and on the mission is draining me. The longer I stay here, the harder it becomes. I am losing myself and it frightens me.' His grip relaxes and he slumps weakly back on the sofa, his breathing ragged and his cheeks flushed.  
'You are my friend, Tony Stark, although you do not yet know it. Help me. What do I do? How do I make you trust me?'

Clearly he isn't actually expecting an answer which is good as Tony has no intention of giving him one. Then, with a trembling hand he gropes for his cane which is leaning against the edge of the couch and before Tony can speak..

 

...another sip of champagne and moves onto the notes on Extraction Theory. Tony finds himself still thinking wistfully of Pepper from time to time as he flicks through diagrams, algorithms and scans of Selvig's dense calligraphy. It's going to be a long and lonely night.


	3. Rapprochement (Part One)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's all been guys talking up till now, I know, but I love writing Loki/Tony conversations! Still, here's Steve, to kickstart the action (no, not that kind unfortunately, not yet...)  
> Thanks to everyone who left a comment - to everyone else please let me know what you think!

INTERIOR - STUTTGART MUSEUM

Nobody questions or disobeys as Steve raises his voice and addresses the entire hall clearly and calmly. 'I'm going to ask you all to vacate the building, please, quickly but in an orderly fashion. There's no cause for alarm.' There is cause for alarm, and it's standing right in front of him in a dark coat and a silk scarf, leaning on his cane and regarding him with the strangest expression. He looks almost fond. Frankly it's a lot more alarming than simple malevolence would have been.

He's done the reading on this guy - some sort of a, what, alien demigod? Well right at this moment, Loki doesn't look like a god. Honestly, despite the elegant attire he looks more like a drug addict - the pallor of his skin, the evidence of sleeplessness, the wide eyes with their huge dilated pupils. He even looks as though he's having trouble staying upright. But there's no way Steve's going to fall into the trap of underestimating this particular being, not after watching the footage of him in action at the JDEM facility. He might look all too human, but he certainly doesn't fight like one.

This time Loki had been waiting for them inside the museum, leaning against a pillar toward the back and listening to the string quartet with his eyes closed. He had opened them wearily as Steve and Tony approached, and his first words were, 'I surrender.'

'Bullshit.' 

That was Stark obviously, but Steve wholeheartedly shared the sentiment, even if he chose to paraphrase it. 'You'll forgive us if we're a little sceptical. What's your game here?'

Loki gave him a sad little smile. 'No game. The truth is that I won't fight you and I wish to discuss terms, here and now, with no-one else present.'

So what else could Steve do? A lot of the gala guests had already fled, and he ordered the evacuation of the rest of them, without ever letting Loki out of his sight. Meanwhile Tony and Loki were prowling in circles round each other, silent and predatory. And now the three of them are alone in the empty museum, locked in what feels a little like a Mexican stand-off except that technically none of them has a gun and two of them are on the same side. Still, there's a serious lack of trust between all parties concerned.

Loki speaks first. 'I need to talk to Stark, alone.' 

Tony flips up his visor to show a look of astonishment but before he can speak, Steve cuts in, 'I'm afraid I can't allow that. If you have anything to say, you'll have to say it to both of us. Also I'm going to need you to hand over any weapons while we talk, including that cane. And to keep your hands where I can see them.'

For a moment he thinks things are going to turn ugly, but to his surprise, Loki nods and Steve steps forward warily to take the cane from him. There's an odd moment as their hands touch and the god looks straight into his eyes, sending a hot shiver up his spine. But then Loki looks away with a sigh and his hand drops to his side. Steve's on a mission so he won't let himself think about this too deeply, but he has the sense that he won't forget that look for some time. It spoke of unfinished business, and a deep dark longing. With an effort, he pushes it to the back of his mind, and steps back, leaving Loki standing alone in the centre of the hall.

'Ok, talk. What are your 'terms'?'

Loki pauses for just a moment, then speaks with an air of resignation. 'Very well. I have tried official channels, and I have tried beguilement and neither has met with success. I am forced to admit that honesty might be my only remaining option. Will you consent to hear me out?'

Steve answers with an affirmative but from this point on, Loki addresses his words solely to Tony.

'At this moment, you consider us enemies, but I have come from a future in which we all fight for the same side. On the orders of Director Fury, I have travelled back in time, two years, six months and eight days, using the power of the Tesseract, in order to ask you for the password to the Delta Plan. Because it, and you, are our last hope.'

Tony nods sagely. 'Well sure, that would have been my first guess. Wow. I mean, seriously, this is your plan? I've got to give you full marks for optimism at least - it's a ballsy move. You actually thought that would work?'

Loki looks a little offended. 'I did not think anything. There was no time to plan - I am making this up as I go along, Stark. And as usual you are not making it easy for me.'

'OK, firstly, sooo many questions. I'll play along for a bit, so go ahead - how does this time travel thing work? Can we all do it in the future? Because that's just awesome!'

'Don't be an idiot, Stark. Of course not - the circumstances here are unique. I am using the powerful connection between the Tesseract and the Chitauri spear in order to travel back to the various points at which I was in physical possession of the spear. There are few such moments left, therefore I have little time left with which to bargain with you.'

'Hmm..' Tony is circling Loki again, and the god turns with him, swaying slightly. 'OK then, why you? Fury couldn't send someone who isn't currently top of Earth's Most Wanted list?'

'Nobody else could do it - it is taking all of my magic and it's exhausting me. You need not fear me, I have very little left now with which to defend myself.'

'And Fury wasn't worried about you changing history while you're back here? Chaos theory, butterfly effect? Biff Tannen running the whole town?'

'No, I can change events while I am interacting with them, but when I move forward to the next point, history will always snap back to its original state. I can change nothing permanently. And all I can take back with me is knowledge, the knowledge which I hope you will give me.'

'Right, and the big question - you can't just ask me in the future because..?'

'Because you are indisposed.' 

'Obviously. Hey, Stars and Stripes, what do you make of all this?'

Steve doesn't make anything of it - Loki's either insane or creating a distraction. He has only one question. 'What's the Delta Plan?'

'Well that's the billion dollar question, isn't it?' Tony drawls, turning back to Loki. 'Why don't you tell him?' 

'Because it doesn't matter.' Loki's hands are shaking now, and it isn't just from exhaustion. He looks desperate. And angry. 'There's no way for me to convince you, but in my future, I would die for you, Tony Stark. And for you, Steve Rogers, I would do much more than that. You are everything. You are my saviour, my friend, my protector, and I am doing everything in my power to help you, both of you. But now, this version of you - I'm sorry, but soon you will never have existed at all. You don't matter. The only thing that matters right now is the knowledge in Stark's head.'

This goes beyond insane. Even Stark is speechless, and Steve is finally shocked out of his professionalism. Is Loki trying to suggest that in his future, they are in some kind of a relationship? That in the space of two and a half years, he could change from a thief and murderer with a penchant for world domination to someone capable of love, tenderness and self-sacrifice?

And it doesn't really help when Loki sighs, 'I realise how this sounds, but things were so much easier, and quicker, when I was allowed to kill people.'

Tony laughs sardonically. 'Well I can't believe I'm saying this either but if it's true what you say, and you can't change anything permanently, then why would it even matter? You could kill all of us and we'd just come back to life the moment you'd gone.'

'My words exactly. But Fury made me promise. He thought I might fall back into bad habits.'

'And you keep your promises now?' asks Steve.

Loki draws himself up proudly. 'If I can.'

'So clearly he only trusts you up to a point, even if we're all a big happy family.' The look Loki shoots Steve is pure indignation, and looking from one to the other, Tony cocks his head in curiosity. 

'And are we really friends in your future?' he asks.

There's a pause, and then something comes into Loki's eyes. The seed of hope perhaps. 'We have much in common. Steve says that we are too similar, but I think perhaps he is a little jealous. There are things we talk about which he cannot understand. And not just science.'

'Then what?'

'The two of us have suffered at the hands of others, in a way that changes you. We have confided in each other and, I think, found it helpful.'

Tony turns on him, his face hard. 'OK, not funny any more. If you expect me to believe I'd have told you anything about that...'

Without warning, Loki darts forward and whispers something into Tony's ear, something Steve can't hear. Tony reacts quickly and the metal glove closes around Loki's neck, but the god's lips keep moving, and soon Tony rears back as if struck, his eyes wide. 

'How?'


	4. Rapprochement (Part Two)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for leaving encouraging comments! I was struggling a bit with this one (difficult second novel syndrome perhaps), but I think I've got a handle on it now - let the whump begin! :)

As the metal hand releases its grip on his throat, Loki doubles over, gasping for air. Tony is staring at him, motionless, and it crosses Steve's mind that the inventor has just removed his second mask that evening. When at last Loki straightens up, he seeks out Tony's eyes with a questioning expression.

Tony's voice is low and he hardly sounds like himself. 'I've never told anyone about that, ever. Not Pepper, not Rhodey, no-one. That's not possible. So how?'

'You told me,' Loki replies simply, but Tony is shaking his head, not yet ready to deal with the implications of that.

'You could have read my mind.'

'Don't pretend to be stupid. If I could do that I would simply have plucked the information I need from your brain and this would all be over. Think, Stark.'

'I guess it's theoretically possible.. if you were in direct contact with the Tesseract and you were using a third power source, magic or whatever you call it, to stabilise the link with this time period. It's.. it's incredible though. How did you manage to..'

'Stark, you need to focus. We will discuss spacetime geometry at our leisure many times in the future - without you I would never have thought to try this at all. But not now.' For a second he looks for all the world like an indignant child about to stamp his foot. 'You are one of the most intelligent humans I have encountered, and at the same time the most obstinate, frustrating and uncooperative. Are you going to shut up and help me or not?'

Tony looks at him shrewdly. 'Wow, clearly your attitude hasn't improved much in the future.'

'What is wrong with my attitude?' Loki frowns.

'You just sort of made my point for me there. The interpersonal skills still need a bit of work. You really haven't changed all that much, have you?'

Loki shrugs. 'As much as I needed to.'

Tony has begun circling the room restlessly again, but then suddenly he stops, remembering something.

'You know what, just.. rewind a bit there to the part where you tried beguilement? On who, me? And what exactly did you mean by that?'

Loki sighs, clearly resigning himself to more questions. 'Fine. Yes, I tried to seduce you.'

Tony looks almost delighted. 'Really? Did it work?'

'I'm not sure.. yes, I think it was working for a while. But I cheated, I used a spell on you. Only a small one, to make you more.. suggestible.'

'You're saying you roofied me? That is so not ok!'

Loki fails to look even a bit repentant. 'It is not as though I would have taken full advantage of you. I only needed information. Romanov does it all the time.'

He does have a point there. Still..

'And are you using a spell on me now?'

'Actually I am not. As I said, I have very little magic left since I am using it all to remain in this time. What you are experiencing now is nothing more than my own personal charm.'

Tony shakes his head again, this time in wonder. 'Well, I have to say, you, Loki, are a fascinating individual. I'm actually kind of looking forward to us being friends.'

Loki raises an eyebrow. 'Had I known you were this easily won over, I would not have wasted my magic on you the first time, Tony Stark.'

They smile at each other, and Steve experiences a pang of something which feels a little like envy. Except that that doesn't make any sense. None of this does.

And with a sinking feeling he realises what's about to happen - Tony's going to tell Loki the password. It no longer matters what it's for - this man is an enemy and he has to be stopped. And so does Stark if it comes down to that. Loki claims he isn't using magic to influence Stark, but there simply isn't any other explanation for what's happening right now. Stark's been compromised.

He steps forward decisively, his shield raised. 'Get away from him, Stark.'

The two of him turn to face him, and to his consternation, Tony actually steps in front of Loki. 'Back off, Uncle Sam. I think he might actually be telling the truth - we need more time.'

'We need to follow Fury's orders and get the Tesseract back.'

'You know, just following orders isn't always the best way to go - you should remember that better than anyone, History Boy.'

'Don't, Stark,' Loki says quietly. 'You cannot blame him for being cautious.'

OK, this is getting too weird. Did Loki just defend him? Luckily he doesn't have to worry about that any more.

'Maybe I do follow orders,' he says, 'but I'm not the only one.' 

Tony follows his line of sight to see Natasha Romanoff standing behind Loki with a gun to his head. And there's ice in her voice as she asks calmly. 'Where's Agent Barton?'

'Don't kill him!' warns Steve. 'We need him alive!'

'Oh I'm not going to kill him,' she says coldly. 'SHIELD can do that. What I'm going to do is make him talk. A lot.' Loki hisses and his body stiffens, and Steve looks down to see a knife pressed into the god's side. Loki's pained eyes meet his and the god cries desperately, 'Not now, I'm so close. Steve.. please!' 

Did the God of Mischief just call him Steve? He feels an unexplained stab of guilt. Where did that come from? 'I'm sorry, but we need to take you to SHIELD headquarters for debriefing.' (Romanoff gives a short ominous laugh and twists the hand at Loki's waist, making him gasp.) 'Stark, you need to stand down.'

'You're making a mistake, Rogers,' Tony insists. 'This is Mission Specialist stuff and you're not qualified. You're just a soldier - if you want to take orders, take mine and get the hell out of my face.'

Loki's face is white and drawn as he interjects, 'He won't change his mind, Stark. It's no good. Just - please - the password, quickly!'

Steve sees Tony's head turn toward Loki and he does the only thing he can think of, he throws his shield. It catches Stark on one side and spins him around, hurling him across the room where a pillar breaks his fall. He's on his feet in moments, his visor down and his arm up, repulsor beams aimed right at Steve. Steve leaps to retrieve his shield, since he's in no way sure that Stark won't fire on him, and as he skids to a halt in front of it, he hears a shout from Natasha. Loki has made a break for it, clearly banking on the fact that she won't just shoot him in the head, and is darting toward him, dark hair flying. He is nearly there when a shot rings out, and Loki stumbles, and falls forward with a cry. On instinct, Steve reaches out and catches him, and the impetus of the fall carries them both to their knees. The god is limp in his arms, but as he turns him over, he comes to with a gasp and one hand comes up to clutch at the fabric over Steve's chest. Loki's eyes flutter open and on seeing him, a weak smile brightens the god's pale face. 'How is it that you are always there to catch me?' he mumbles dreamily, before his face twists in pain and the smile disappears. Steve opens up Loki's coat to see blood from an exit wound soaking the white shirt over his shoulder. Romanoff is still standing there with her weapon raised, and he wonders if she'd even considered that the bullet might have struck him too. She's risked everything by taking the shot - it's only a shoulder wound, but you can never be sure. What if there are complications and Loki dies? The panic that rises in him, it's because of the mission, he tells himself. They can't afford to lose Loki, and the Tesseract. And yet the words in his head make it sound so much more personal than that. Please don't let him die. Gently, he pulls the scarf from around Loki's neck and wads it up, pressing it against the bullet wound despite the god's feeble struggles.

'We need to get him to a medic, and fast!'

Loki's eyes are going in and out of focus, but at this, he seems to pull himself together with a shudder. His hand drops from Steve's chest, and reaches out to one side as he murmurs softly, 'It's alright, Steve Rogers. You do not need to do anything. I do.' And his fingers close around the cane lying on the ground next to Steve's shield.

 

 

..as the Quinjet takes off and leaves Stuttgart behind. Steve casts a glance back at Loki, who is sitting silently toward the back and staring into empty space. It was all too easy, he thinks - one quick tussle, just for show, and the guy surrenders. There's more to this than meets the eye. This fight's not over, he thinks, not by a long way.


	5. Ultimatum

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading! And sorry for everything I've done (and still plan to do) to Loki. I'll make it up to him, I promise..

INTERIOR - STARK TOWER

 

'What in hell just happened to you?' Tony takes a step back and stares in disbelief at the shaking figure standing before him with a bloody hand pressed to its shoulder.

Loki straightens up with difficulty and looks back at him with glazed green eyes. 'You did. Twice.'

'I'm serious, you were fine a moment ago. I mean, crazy obviously. And you looked like you hadn't had seen the underside of a duvet in about a month. But one moment you were trying to mind-rape me with that spear thingy and then suddenly you just.. why are you bleeding?'

Loki is sagging exhaustedly, clearly using the spear as a crutch to prop himself up. He takes his hand away from his shoulder and stares as if confused at the blood dripping from his fingers. But then all of a sudden his eyes narrow speculatively. 'That is very interesting.' 

'Well yeah, like I said. Want to tell me how someone just punched a hole in you while I was standing right here?'

'Very well, let us do this quickly. I was shot by Romanoff, in Stuttgart. Not in your timeline but in a temporary one of my own making. Director Fury has sent me back through time, using magic and the Tesseract, to ask you for the password to the Delta Plan. We need it to save a great many lives, including yours. I believe you were going to tell me in Stuttgart before Romanoff intervened. Please do not make me go through this all over again, I haven't the strength for it. Just.. trust me. As I trust you.'

And with that Loki hands him the spear and turns his back.

Tony is left speechless and gaping, everything else on hold while his mind races to process what he has just seen and heard. He doesn't even move when Loki, without the spear to support him, drops heavily to his knees and stays there, facing away from him with his head bowed. He looks like a man awaiting execution, and as Tony glances at the spear in his own hand, a shudder goes through him. Recovering himself, he circles Loki and kneels in front of him, laying the spear on the ground between them.

'One question, just one. You must have said something to make me trust you before, in Stuttgart. What was it?'

Loki doesn't even look up this time, and his voice is low and faint. 'I spoke of a confidence, told to me alone because only I could understand. You told me that when you were being tortured by the Ten Rings, there was a moment, just one moment, when you would have let anyone in the world take your place, even someone you loved. And sometimes, in your dreams, that bargain is fulfilled and you are made to watch.'

Only now does Loki raise his head, and through the dark tangled strands of hair, Tony can see tears glistening in his eyes. 'And that is how I feel now, knowing that those I love are suffering because of me. I first brought the Chitauri spear to Earth, and now Hydra have used it to bring Banner to their side. We are desperate. You have been taken, and Steve is mounting a rescue attempt. But against the Beast, he has no hope of success, not unless he is armed with the Delta technology which you developed. I am begging you, please,' he reaches out and grasps Tony's arm, and Tony doesn't move away. 'Help me to save him, and you.'

'And Bruce?' asks Tony quietly. 'You know that the technology is untested? It could kill him, that's why I refused to hand it over to SHIELD in the first place.'

'You refused because you would not risk the life of an innocent man, no matter what form he took. Banner is a weapon of Hydra now, and we are powerless against him. I wish we did not have to do this, Banner is also a friend, but what he has become is truly monstrous. He must be stopped and only you can stop him. Will you help us?'

And looking into that pale anguished face, Tony realises he can't not believe Loki. The deep-rooted guilt he reads there is too eerily familiar. This is a man who has been down dark pathways in his life and would now do anything in the world to prove that he is more than just the sum of his mistakes. He thinks he's caught that same look on Natasha's face at times, and knows for certain that he's seen it countless times in the mirror. It's the look of a fanatic, someone without limits who can't allow themselves to fail. But then again heroes can be made that way too.

So, despite the fact that they are on the brink of a war, and the cause of it is kneeling in the centre of his floor, helpless, wounded and unarmed, Tony takes a deep breath and makes a decision. 'Alright, I'm buying it. I'll give you Delta.'

Loki makes a small sound, almost a sob, and his grip tightens on Tony's arm. And in that instant Tony knows he's made the right choice. 'Just.. do me one favour, ok?' he adds. 'When this is all over, and if we've both made it, promise to tell me all about this since obviously I'm not going to remember any of it, right?'

Loki promises solemnly and the look on his face at that moment, it's just beautiful. Standing there earlier, imperious and menacing, Loki had cut an impressive figure, but seeing him like this, worn ragged and bloody, a swirl of raw emotion, Tony finds himself mesmerised. It occurs to him suddenly that they might be together in the future - when Loki spoke of love, did he mean friendship, or something else? But now is not the time to wonder about that..

Above them, Selvig's device is activating, and a beam of energy is shooting up into the sky. The wormhole is opening and Chitauri warriors are starting to pour through it - the war has begun. Distracted for a moment, Tony feels Loki's hand on his shoulder and the god speaks urgently, 'I promise you, you will win this war. Help me win mine.'

It's a wrench for Tony to tear his gaze away from the swarms of alien craft ravaging the city. Even though he believes Loki, it still means leaving the others to fight the battle alone. But he has to focus on the task at hand. 'Right, so you're going to need more than just the password - there's a biometric authentication process as well.'

Loki shakes his head impatiently. 'That is not a problem. SHIELD have already bypassed that level of your security.'

Tony raises his eyebrows, 'Should have guessed. Fury really does cover all the bases, doesn't he?'

Loki's non-committal shrug is answer enough, and Tony continues, 'The password then, are you ready?'

'No, wait. You cannot just tell it to me.' Loki produces a small dagger and slits open his left sleeve to the elbow. 'I need you to carve the password into my arm.'

Tony stares at him, aghast. 'Um, why?'

'In case I do not survive the journey back.'

'Christ..' Tony closes his eyes for a moment. 'OK, but at least sit down on the couch. Let's make this as easy on you as possible.' 

Loki is in no state to argue, so Tony helps him the few feet to the seating area and tries to make him comfortable. The god's head falls to one side as Tony gently takes the dagger from his hand and, just for good measure, pours the rest of his whisky over the blade to sterilise it. Then he straightens out Loki's arm, whispers 'I'm sorry', and makes the first cut. Through the whole process, Loki doesn't make a sound, but Tony can see the tension in his jaw as he grits his teeth against the pain. It's a horrible job. Tony has to keep wiping the blood away in order to see what he's doing, and by the end the couch is soaked with it. He even curses himself for creating a key with so many characters. But finally it's done, and Loki's eyes open again and meet his. And Tony is touched to see no sign of recrimination in them, only relief and gratitude. Loki looks down at his arm and reads the letters back to Tony, just to be certain.

'That'll do it. But are you sure you're going to be able to make it back at all? You don't look too good right now.'

It's true, Loki looks drained and bloodless, his lips tinged with blue. But he assures Tony, 'It is staying here that is difficult, getting back is easier. I need only touch the spear and let go. The Tesseract will do the rest.' He gathers his strength with an effort, and makes as if to rise, but Tony puts out a hand to stop him.

'Stay there, I'll get it - you've done enough.' 

Loki sinks back gratefully, but Tony doesn't move just yet, he just watches Loki with an odd look on his face.

'What is wrong, Stark?', Loki asks, sounding a little jumpy, and Tony narrows his eyes thoughtfully.

'If this timeline is temporary, then in the future, none of this will strictly have happened, right?'

Loki nods, his eyes fixed on Tony's face.

'.. the hell with it then.' Tony reaches forward and pulls Loki into a fervent desperate kiss. At first the god pulls back in surprise, but then his lips soften and he leans into it, a tremor running through him.

Breaking the kiss, Tony smiles sheepishly. 'Well? I don't really exist and you could die in the next few minutes. Where's the harm?'

'No harm, and yet perhaps when I tell you about all this in the future, I will leave out that part.'

'Your call. Now you should probably go before one of the others comes looking for you.'

Tony stands up and walks over to where the spear is still lying on the floor. He bends to pick it up and as he straightens up, he lets out a cry of surprise at the red-caped figure standing framed in the doorway. The scowl on Thor's face would be enough to send a weaker man running for cover - he isn't known as the God of Thunder for nothing. 

'LOKI!' Thor advances on his younger brother, and Tony feels a momentary panic on Loki's behalf as the dark-haired god turns a shade paler than he already was. 'Thor, wait!' Tony cries, 'You don't understand what's happening here.'

Thor turns on him angrily. 'Indeed I do - Loki has turned you, Tony Stark. This is what he does. You know full well that my brother cannot be trusted.'

Tony gestures desperately in Loki's direction. 'Look at him! He's half-dead - does he look dangerous to you?'

'Always. He is merely using his tricks on you, to weaken your resolve. It is but an illusion.' Still, Thor falters on seeing his brother's ashen face and bloodstained appearance up close. 'It won't work, Loki. Show your true self.'

Loki is struggling to stand, and Thor grabs him by his injured arm and drags him bodily out onto the terrace. He gestures at the chaos raging about them, 'Look at this! You think this madness will end with your rule? Help me stop it.' 

Loki shakes himself free and staggers back, clutching his arm to his chest. 'You were always so quick to trust me, Thor, when you should not have. Is there none of that trust left in you? Look at me. Can you not see a change?'

Their eyes lock for a moment before Thor frowns and takes a cautious step toward him. 'Brother? What has happened to you?'

Loki laughs shakily. 'One day I will tell you everything, but for now, you have to let me go. Will you do that?'

Thor doesn't answer immediately, as his attention is caught by Tony Stark, now fully suited in the Mark VII armour and holding the Chitauri spear. 

'Sorry Thor, but I'm going to have to break up the family reunion. Loki has places to be.' And he throws the spear toward the God of Mischief. 'Loki, catch.'

Loki stretches out his hand, and the spear is so close, tantalisingly close, when suddenly the shadow of the Quinjet falls over him and the impact of a stray blast knocks him to one side. The spear clatters to the ground and skitters over the edge. 

And a split second later, as Tony and Thor watch in horrified disbelief, Loki dives from the tower after it.


	6. Neutrality

He is falling falling falling. The windows of the tower flash past him, and for a moment, the horror of the void comes back to him, but he will not let himself be weakened by fear. The spear is only inches from his hand but it might as well be a mile - they are falling at the same rate and he knows he isn't going to make it. So he reaches inside himself, summoning every last resource - the magic which isn't meant to be used, which keeps his heart beating, keeps the strands of his mind together in a coherent whole. He feels it tearing out of him, as if he were being turned inside out, and as he darts forward, closing the gap between himself and the spear, he hears his own scream mingle with the howling of the wind. But it doesn't matter. Nothing matters now.

 

* * * * *

 

Somewhere he can hear someone screaming. Someone in terrible pain. Who is it and where are they? And where is he? Slowly he comes to and finds himself standing, his head thrown back, his mouth open and his throat raw, in a darkened room. With a heaving gasp, he looks down to see his hands clasped around a large cube resting on a pedestal and glowing with a strange blue light. What is all this? Blood is running down his left arm and he feels faint with nausea, his legs barely able to support him.

And then from beside him out of the darkness he hears a voice, calling out 'Loki? Loki?'

The word means nothing to him, all that he understands is that he isn't alone in the room. Panicked, he snatches his hands away from the cube and backs away, and something rises up within him, something so powerful that it is beyond agony. Helpless, gasping, he falls backward into it. And is caught. Strong arms hold him up, and two faces loom over him, a scowling man with one eye and another with long fair hair and a face alive with concern.

He hears more words, 'Be still, brother, we have you,' but they make no sense to him and he fights back, frantic with fear and confusion. Weak and exhausted as he is, the two figures struggle to restrain him, and the darker one leans in, his voice strong and authoritative.

'Agent. Agent! Listen to me - you need.. to calm.. down. That's an order.' 

The words seem garbled and strange, but the tone sinks in and he slumps back, no longer caring what they do with him, wanting only to rest. But the man is eyeing him analytically, and his scowl deepens. 'Do you know who I am?'

He knows they're asking something of him but he can't understand what. His breath still coming in weak gasps, he stares back helplessly, and the man gestures toward his companion. 'Do you know who he is?'

His eyes flicker from one face to the other but no words come to him, and he looks away, closing his eyes against all of this. Why can't they just let him sleep?

But the first man puts a firm hand on his shoulder and asks in a softer voice, 'Agent, do you know who you are?'

He twists away from their meaningless questions and curls up against the wall, coughing and shaking. The pain claws at him mercilessly and he needs to concentrate just to draw breath.

But the voices won't be silent and one cries out in sudden horror, 'Fury, look! What has happened to his arm!?'

The first man replies grimly, 'I think I can guess. He's a damn smart operative, your brother. A tough one too. Or I'd never have let him do this.'

'I fear you could not have stopped him,' says the second sadly. 'When Loki's mind is made up...'

'Believe me, I know. He's one strong-willed son-of-a-bitch. And right now I'm counting on that to get him through this. Now help me pick him up - let's get him settled and then we need to go.'

He feels himself lifted and dizziness overwhelms him. He lets them take him, along with the darkness..

 

*

 

The next thing he knows he is being laid on soft sheets which might as well be a bed of nails to his raw nerve endings. He moans and tries to sit up, but strong hands push him back down.

'Lie back, Loki, you need to rest. We will return from Midgard soon and bring Captain Rogers with us. I promise.'

Still uncomprehending, he senses that they are leaving him, and suddenly he doesn't want to be left alone. He stretches out his hand and the blond man takes it and squeezes it tightly. The man doesn't speak, but soon his one-eyed companion puts a hand on his shoulder, saying 'Thor..' and he lets go reluctantly. As they turn to leave, the one-eyed man takes a last look back and this time he isn't scowling, he looks almost gentle as he says 'Thank you.' 

*

 

Sometimes the pain is like a river and he's drowning in it. Sometimes it is a fanged beast, tearing at his insides. Sometimes it pounds him like a hammer until he thinks he can feel his bones crack under the pulsing blows. And just when he thinks his skull might burst from the pressure of it, he hears a voice, a woman's voice, very close by. 

'Shh, my darling.'

From somewhere in his fragmented mind a word comes to him, although he doesn't know the meaning of it. Just thinking it soothes the terrible pain in his skull a little, and it makes his way to his lips as a faint whisper. 'Mother'.

There's a small gasp and a rustle of clothing, and then he feels a cool hand against his forehead. 'Oh, my sweet boy. I am here, don't worry.'

The hand begins to stroke through his hair and the pain recedes a little further - it's as if there's magic in those fingers. He wants to open his eyes and look at this wonderful being, but he's afraid to and he doesn't know why. So for the time being he is content just to lie there and let himself relax under the enchantment of her caresses. The hand doesn't stop moving, and after a while he hears a low sung melody - a song which burrows straight into his heart and makes him want to weep. It's a song which seems to sweep away the centuries and tells him of a time when he was safe and loved and good. Before he had ruined everything. He can't even remember what it is that he's done, he only knows that he has paid, and is still paying for it. But the song reminds him of how it felt to be blameless.

Softly the fingers brush something away from his cheek, first on one side, then the other, and then he feels a kiss on each of his eyelids.

And as he falls into a gentle sleep, he hears the voice sighing, 'I knew you would come back to us one day, my son, my sweet Loki.'

 

*

He doesn't know how long he has slept, but he wakes to the sound of quiet voices, the woman, and a man who speaks in a low deep rumble.

'How does he fare, my lady?'

There is a sob in her voice as the woman answers, 'I cannot yet tell, Heimdall. Loki's very lifeforce is drained and his mind is untethered. Only the Tesseract kept him alive at all. His magic is growing again but his body is fighting it as an enemy. It is too soon to tell which way the battle will turn.'

There is silence for a moment as if the lady is collecting herself, and then she asks, 'And the other battle, on Midgard? Is there yet any word?'

'No, my lady. The fight continues. But do not be anxious, no harm has come to Thor.'

There is relief in the lady's voice as she thanks him, adding 'And Steve Rogers?'

Steve Rogers. 

Those words mean something, something important, but he can't hold onto it. His thoughts are like leaves in a hurricane and he can't single one out from another. Fuelled by his frustration, the pain returns, and someone rushes to the side of his bed as he is wracked by a sudden convulsion. 

The last thing he hears is the woman crying 'Help me!' as the pain becomes too great and the blackness swallows him again..

 

*

 

The next time he surfaces into consciousness, the pain is still there, but it's smaller and more localised. Someone is unwrapping a length of bloody gauze from around his shoulder and arm, and he can see raw red flesh underneath. Looking around in panic, he realises that the woman is no longer in the room, only two tall men in long black garments with masks over their faces. He doesn't trust them and he begins to struggle weakly, eliciting strong words from one of them. The tone doesn't reassure him, and he continues to fight against them until the nearer one turns to the other with a sharp instruction and the other fetches something from a large bag.

He eyes them both warily, but doesn't realise what's happening until they each catch hold of one of his wrists and stretch his arms out to the side of the bed. Something is being looped over his hands and as his mind crawls with half-remembered horror, he simply snaps and his struggles turn into a desperate thrashing frenzy. He can hear himself sobbing the word 'no' over and over and it fills his mind to the brim until a sharp clear voice cuts through everything.

'What the hell do you think you're doing?'

There's such anger in that voice that even through his hysteria, he feels a twinge of pity for the man who answers tremulously, 'I am a physician, here at Lady Frigga's request. I was merely attempting to quieten the patient, in order to attend to his wounds.'

The anger is still there, cold and unrelenting. 'To 'quieten the patient'?? Tell me you weren't just putting restraints on this man. Don't you have any idea what he.. what he's been through?' The voice lowers to a growl. 'Just get out, now.'

There's a scurrying sound, and almost immediately, he feels the bindings being removed from his wrists, and large strong hands smooth back his dishevelled hair.

'Loki, Loki, I'm so sorry. It's me, it's Steve. You recognise me, don't you?'

His vision is blurred but even so he feels that he can almost recognise the man bending over him, his face crumpled with anguish. Almost. Enough that he only flinches a little as the man puts his arms about him and holds him close. Later he hears the quiet sound of weeping at his bedside but he doesn't open his eyes. It's almost time to wake up, but not quite. He calms his mind and with quiet deliberation, he lets the whirling leaves of his thoughts settle gently before sifting through them, searching for connections. Ideas and memories begin to knit themselves together, becoming more and more complex, and he doesn't hurry himself, letting the process set its own pace.

He doesn't dream any more - he stopped dreaming in his third month as a slave, and afterward they never returned. But for a few hours he lives through his own life again like a lucid dream, and is able to see everything with a new clarity - what he was, what he is, what he wants.

And he hardly recognises his own voice as he turns his head to the side and murmurs, 'Steve?'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't going to do Loki POV because he's a beautiful mystery and I wanted to keep it that way, but I let myself slip this once - he's barely conscious so it doesn't really count.  
> Thank you again for your comments! (And for the record I particularly enjoyed writing this chapter - I could write this kind of stuff all day... Hope you liked!)


	7. Secession

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again! This chapter took me a while because there's science in it, and it should be fairly obvious by now that I don't know what I'm talking about. In the end, I borrowed the Delta design from a World War Hulk storyline, so if it doesn't make any sense, it's not entirely my fault.. I'm really much more comfortable writing about emotional angst and stormy declarations of man-love, so I'll get back to that in the next chapter (which will probably be the last one) if that's ok.  
> Thank you so much for reading!

'Steve?'

The voice is thin and small but it's there, and it's him, and Steve can't hold back an aching sob of relief.

'Oh god, Loki, I was so scared..' Words fail him and he buries his face in the god's chest, until his heart begins to steady at the sensation of long fingers combing gently through his hair. But he doesn't yet raise his head and his voice is muffled as he whispers, 'I thought I'd lost you.'

The fingers stop for a second before continuing their soothing motion and he hears Loki answer quietly, 'In truth, I think you did for a while. But I will always come back to you.'

Steve straightens up and Loki offers him a wan but sweet smile, before asking, 'And the others? Stark and Banner? Are they...?'

'They're safe, give me a moment and I'll tell you everything. I just want to look at you for a while.'

Objectively Loki looks ill - his skin-tone is too pallid and his eyes are glittering and feverish, and yet to Steve he has never seemed so lovely. Because he's himself again. Steve remembers so clearly the last time he sat beside Loki's bedside, wondering if he'd pull through, but this was different - to see him there and yet not there, his sharp and singular mind broken and his eyes devoid of recognition. The way he flinched as Steve folded him in his arms.. It was a waking nightmare and all the worse because he knew how much Loki would hate it if he knew.

And then gradually, as the initial wave of relief dies down, all the anger and worry he's been holding in rears up, and he can hear it snarling in his voice, 'You do realise that I'm furious with you right now?'

To his surprise Loki actually looks a little scared but he pushes on - this needs to be said or he'll burst with the pressure. 'Why didn't you tell me what you were going to do?'

The fear gives way to stubborn pride and he sees Loki's chin lift in a familiar way. 'Because you would have tried to stop me.'  
  
'Of course I would have, it was an insanely dangerous thing to do! You, alone, in a hostile environment. You could have been killed, or unable to get back, and I would never have.. ' He closes his eyes and slows his breathing, and after a moment he feels a smaller hand slide into his.

'I am sorry.' Loki's eyes are still wide and a bit frightened, and Steve's heart clenches with a surge of protectiveness. But he fights the instinctive feeling of guilt - this is too important an issue for him to let the god off that easily.

'Do you at least understand why I'm upset with you?'

He knows Loki hates to be put on the spot like this, but he waits patiently, giving the god time to think. Loki bites his lip and he can see the thoughts whirring behind the green eyes, ideas being raised and discarded. For someone so insightful, the god can also be worryingly clueless. Too much time burrowing round in other people's psyches perhaps, and not enough time in his own. After a few seconds Loki looks up at him with a helplessness which twists in his chest and offers hopefully, 'Because I was not honest with you?'

Steve sighs - it's close enough. 'We're in a relationship now,' he explains, 'and that means we have to make decisions together. Especially ones this big. You can't just risk your life like that without discussing it with me first - it isn't fair on me. Do you get that?'

Loki nods without taking his eyes from Steve's face, but he no longer looks unsure of himself - in fact there's something implacable burning behind his gaze. He raises himself up on his elbows so that he is on a level with Steve and his words are like drops of molten metal as he speaks.

'Yes, I do, but there's something you have to understand too. There is nothing I won't do for you. Look at me. Nothing.'

The look on Loki's face makes Steve shudder. He believes him absolutely. And sometimes he really does think that Loki hasn't changed that much at all - he's just exchanged one dangerous obsession for another. The responsibility of that weighs heavily on him and he wonders, not for the first time, what would become of Loki if he died. When he dies.

And then sometimes he's so sure Loki is reading his mind - the god's ability to follow his chain of thought can be uncanny at times.

'I won't let you die. I can't. I'll do anything to save you, even if it means that you hate me now.'

Oh no, not again.

'Loki, we've been through this before - just because I'm angry with you doesn't mean that I hate you. I really wish you could believe that.'

'So do I.'

And then Steve hears himself voice the question he's been afraid to ask up until now.

'Do you hate me when you're angry with me?'

'I.. I am not sure.' Loki leans back on the pillows and his expression is thoughtful. 'No, I have never hated you, but sometimes, when I'm really angry, there is nothing but the anger.'

Steve thinks back to their few serious arguments and Loki's words do make sense. Whatever the god does, whatever he feels, it is with ten times the intensity of normal human emotions, and everything else is swept before him. Maybe in the end Loki has more in common with Bruce than with Tony. Well, he never thought that being with the God of Mischief was going to be straightforward, and anyway, if he's really honest, he enjoys the challenge.

Still, he thinks that maybe this time he's got his point across - Loki looked genuinely spooked before. Steve's tone is lighter as he continues, 'Let's not talk about this any more - you should be resting. The important thing is that you're back, and that we won, because of you. And yes, I'm upset with you, but that doesn't mean that I'm not proud of you as well.'

He always loves the conflicted look on Loki's face when he pays him a compliment. Like half of him is resisting, but the rest is just glowing with pleasure.

As usual, Loki covers by affecting nonchalance. 'I am rather proud of myself also. But tell me of the battle - I wish I could have been there with you.'

'Me too - we could have used you. But then again, without Delta, we'd all be dead, including you, so there's that.'

'I want to know more of Delta - after everything, I still know nothing of its workings. Is it a drug, a form of mind control, what was it?'

Steve can tell that Loki is fighting exhaustion and asks worriedly, 'Are you sure you're up to this?'

The gods makes an impatient gesture. 'Clearly I have missed out on a great deal, I do not wish to wait any longer.'

Steve sighs, 'Well ok, but you're not going to like how it starts..

  
* * * * *

  
\- **_Steve knew that Loki had gone the moment he entered the god's room at Stark Tower and saw Natasha waiting for him instead. He just couldn't believe that Loki had done this to him again. Things were different this time - he no longer believed that the god had switched allegiance - but nevertheless the sense of betrayal was acute and bitter. Perhaps it was because Loki was so utterly unreserved in expressing his feelings for Steve, that Steve let himself believe there were no secrets between them. It was too painful to believe otherwise, since he himself kept nothing from Loki._**

**_Of course, if he thought back to when Bruce and Tony were taken by Hydra, Loki's attitude had seemed strange, almost cold. Steve had been concerned by that, since he had been sure that Loki had cared about the two men, had considered them friends even - but now at least it all made sense. The god had simply bypassed emotion and gone straight to the plotting stage, and not once had he thought to let Steve in on his schemes. It hurt, especially when it transpired that both Nick Fury and Thor had been party to Loki's plan. Because he had needed their help, whereas at that moment he had had no need of Steve. It was left to Natasha to tell him the news, and even she seemed uncharacteristically shame-faced about her part in it._ **

**_'I only just found out, Steve, I swear. Nick contacted me just before they left for Asgard and gave orders to delay the rescue attempt until he gets back with the password - they need 24 hours.'_ **

**_'Stark might not have 24 hours. We don't know what they're doing to him,' growled Steve._ **

**_Pragmatic as ever, Natasha pointed out that Hydra couldn't turn Tony using the spear, and having taken him alive, they were unlikely to destroy such a valuable resource, so they were probably only torturing him for information, which could take days._ **

**_Only.._ **  
**_There were times when Steve felt like the only sane person for miles around and this time he really lost his temper. 'You, Loki, Fury - you're all as bad as each other. Normal people don't walk out on each other without saying anything, they don't use people as weapons, or think of torture as a best case scenario. You're all crazy and I'm sick of it.'_ **

**_Natasha stood silently and let him vent his anger, and all the time he knew that she knew that in reality this was all about fear - his fear of losing Loki. When he had calmed down, she told him gently that he ought to have more faith in the god - 'You have to admit that lately, he always gets the job done. Think about it - Coulson once said that Loki wouldn't succeed at world domination because he lacked conviction. His heart just wasn't in it. But now, he's got something to fight for - you can see it in his eyes. If anyone can pull this off, it's him. He trusts you completely - trust him back.'_ **

_**Steve sat miserably with his head in his hands, and by the time she left, he was in one of those rare moods when he wished to god that he could just get drunk like everyone else. Too many of his dearest friends were already long-dead, captured, or under enemy mind control, and now this.. He cursed Loki and it felt good, so good that he felt the urge to do something else, something worse..** _

 

'I may have trashed your room a little..,

Loki looks utterly unconcerned, 'I understand. I have done it myself from time to time.'  
  
Steve's eyebrows go up. 'Really? Tony never told me.'  
  
'I suspected he wouldn't. He can be curiously discreet sometimes. But please continue, moving on from the part where you were very angry with me..'

  
\- _**Over the next 24 hours most of Steve's time had been taken up in planning the rescue attempt, and he had avoided thinking about Loki. He was going over charts of the Hydra base with a SHIELD technician when he heard his name spoken and turned around to see Nick Fury and Thor in the doorway. He didn't know why, but his heart went cold in that instant - he could tell that something was wrong, even while they were taking pains to reassure him.**_

_**'Loki's just fine, Captain,' Fury insisted, 'But he's resting on Asgard for now. He really came through for us, you should know that. Thanks to him we stand a chance.'** _

_**Steve felt a flush of pride, but all through it he still couldn't shake the certainty that there was something they weren't telling him. He wanted desperately to be at Loki's side, putting his anxiety to rest, cupping the god's face in his hands so that he could look straight into his eyes and know for sure that he had come back unaltered. But there was work to be done and that would have to wait. Once the Delta files were accessed, the device had to be readied for practical use, and the plan updated. Fury called in Eric Selvig to help with their work, but without mentioning Loki's involvement - Selvig wouldn't have had anything to do with it otherwise. Unlike Clint he'd never got over the whole..** _

  
Loki interrupts incredulously, 'You think that Barton is 'over it'? You can be quite naive at times. He doesn't really trust me either, he simply respects me enough to try and hide the fact.'

'Well I don't know if you're right or not, but he trusted your intel - he and Natasha did. They put their lives on the line based on it, so maybe they trust you more than you think..'

  
 **_Hydra had made no secret of the location of their base - with the Hulk guarding it, they clearly felt they had no need to hide. Steve's team was comprised of himself, Thor, Clint and Natasha and twelve SHIELD agents whom he was certain were still trustworthy. Not 100% certain, but when is that ever possible? They'd kept the numbers small since there was a good chance that they were carrying out a suicide mission. They were relying on untested technology; if it worked then they stood a good chance of success. If not then in all probability none of them would be coming out of there alive._ **

**_They'd settled on an aerial incursion, and Fury himself dropped them on the roof before returning to base. Thor and the agents spread out to stealthily secure the building while Steve, Clint and Natasha concentrated on finding Tony. After studying the blueprints, they'd pinpointed the most likely location for a laboratory, and it seemed plausible that they'd be keeping Tony nearby in order to mine his scientific knowledge. They encountered a few Hydra agents on the way and dispatched them silently, hiding the bodies. Hopefully the element of surprise would give them a little more time to work with._ **

**_The laboratory was exactly where they'd guessed it would be, and having dealt with the guards, they contained the lab staff in a side room and disabled the lock. In the centre of the lab was the Chitauri spear, wired up, surrounded by equipment, and still glowing with the intense blue of an underwater nuclear reactor. They approached it cautiously and Natasha was reaching out to grasp it when they heard a voice from above them._ **

**_'I get it - priorities and everything, but while you're here, maybe you wouldn't mind giving me a hand too?'_ **

**_They all looked up to see a small cage attached to the ceiling, and in it, eyebrows raised as though he'd just caught them breaking into his drinks cabinet, a dishevelled Tony Stark. Steve muttered an exclamation of relief and rushed to find the mechanism for lowering the cage. Tony was sitting cross-legged in it, since it was too low to stand up, and managing to make it look oddly comfortable. But once the cage was opened, he was unable to get to his feet, having been stuck in that position for days. Clint knelt beside him and began to examine his handcuffs, looking for a lock, but then broke off suddenly with a loud curse. The others rushed to his side and followed his gaze, adding horrified oaths of their own. Every one of Stark's fingers was broken in at least one place, and bent at sickening angles. Tony was clearly avoiding looking at his hands, and he lifted his eyes to Steve's with a rueful expression._ **

**_'Yeah. Hydra is definitely kind of old school. And it turns out it's a lot harder to pick a lock without using your hands. Believe me, I tried.'_ **

**_Steve didn't want to think about how much that must have hurt. Tony was putting a brave face on it, but Steve could see the strain behind the bluster and he just wanted to get his friend home before he started to go to pieces. And all the time, a thought was crawling unpleasantly in his brain - what kind of world is this when a man has to go through something like this twice in his lifetime? He spoke as calmly as he could, ordering a quick evacuation. Clint and Natasha would get Tony out of there, while he would find the others and continue their search for Bruce. The search and rescue part of their mission wasn't over yet.._ **

**_As it turned out, they didn't have to go looking for him._ **

**_'Ah, the all-American hero and his morally questionable companions. We are honoured indeed.'_ **  
  
**_Baron Wolfgang von Strucker was standing in the doorway, his eyes mocking and his stance supremely confident. As well it might be.. A second later the doorway and most of the wall behind him exploded into rubble and a vast green shape filled the space with its bulk. The Baron didn't so much as glance over his shoulder._ **

**_'You care so much for your friends, Captain Rogers. I shall enjoy the irony as one of them tears the limbs from your body. Farewell, American dog!'_ **

**_Before anyone could move, Tony cried out 'Wait!' and all eyes turned to him. 'Wait.' he repeated, more quietly but with no less desperation. 'Let them go, and I'll cooperate, my word on it.'_ **

**_Steve sucked in a breath. He would never cease to be moved by displays of courage and loyalty - Stark had let them all but destroy his hands, but when his friends were in danger, he had given in without a pause. Suddenly his eyes were drawn downward to a subtle movement of Clint's hand. Clint was still holding Tony's arm after releasing the lock on his cuffs, and his finger was tracing a small triangle on the scientist's wrist. Almost immediately, Tony's eyes widened as understanding dawned - a triangle, the symbol for the Greek letter Delta. And with that, Clint spun around on his knees and fired a single arrow into the maelstrom of rage that burned in the centre of the Hulk's left eye._ **

**_And the monster reached up and caught it. He snapped the aluminium shaft in two like a breadstick and examined the small black device on the end, before his huge muscles tensed for a charge. The Baron began to laugh in derision as he stepped to one side._ **

**_'Such a puny weapon against so powerful a force? Is that all the resistance you can offer?'_ **

**_'No.' And through his headset Steve gave the order to Fury, 'Activate Delta, now. Target the arrowhead.'_ **

**_It was the moment of truth. The green monster was roaring as he smashed his way across the room toward them, and Steve pulled Tony to his feet and held him against his chest, ready to take evasive action. Clint was staring the Hulk out, holding his ground as it charged toward them, until almost at the last minute, it let out a colossal howl of anguish. Engulfed momentarily in a reddish glow, it shrank before their eyes into the form of Banner, the howl turning into a human shriek of pain. Still carried forward by the beast's momentum, Bruce was hurled violently into a metal stand which stood between him and the others, and collapsed to the floor in an unconscious heap._ **

**_It all happened so fast that the Baron had barely had time to unholster his gun before Natasha appeared as if from nowhere and kicked it out of his hand, pressing her own weapon into his temple. 'Make a move, khuilo,' she hissed, twisting his hands painfully behind his back. Meanwhile Steve was helping Tony over to where Bruce lay, and together they knelt down to examine his head wound. It looked nasty but at least he was breathing normally, and Steve covered him with a lab coat in case of shock. Tony was still looking pretty dazed himself, 'I can't actually believe it worked. Delta was mostly hypothetical - how did you get it online so quick?'_ **

**_'That was Fury's department,' Steve explained. 'He got control of the satellites and Eric Selvig set them to temporarily reverse the effects of the gamma radiation on a specific target. We're still not quite sure what the effects on Bruce will be though.'_ **

**_Tony looked down at the prone figure. 'I know, but you had no choice.' He frowned suddenly. 'There's no way Fury could have bypassed my encryption though. I had it locked up tight. Not that I'm not unbelievably grateful or anything, but how..the fuck?'_ **

**_Steve paused. 'It's kind of a long story. Later, I promise.'_ **

**_With the Hulk down, he gave Fury the order to send in a clean-up squad and a medical team for Bruce and Tony. Thor and his men had joined them in the laboratory, having secured the other floors, and now it was just a matter of waiting. But just as he was being led away, handcuffed and defiant, Baron von Strucker turned to look directly at Steve. 'Do not imagine that this is finished, Captain. Our war will not end so easily. Look on me. I am your death...and the death of all you hold dear.'_ **

 

  
'And then I had to get back to you, I had the worst feeling, and then seeing you like that, it was like my fears come true.' Steve gets up to pace the room, his anxiety still energising him. 'No more lectures, but just promise me one more thing - promise that you'll start worrying about yourself. I can't do it all for you. And I love you far too much to lose you now. OK?'

He takes Loki's apparent contrition and his solemn promise at face value, as he always does, because really, what other choice does he have? And as he watches the God of Lies, the love of his life, settle himself more comfortably on the pillows, he wonders if Loki ever thinks him a fool.

'You look exhausted,' is all he says though. 'You should get some more rest.'

'Yes, Captain,' comes the sleepy reply, and Steve moves quietly toward the door.

Loki opens one eye and regards him quizzically. 'Obviously that is not what I meant.' And he makes room on the bed and holds out his arms, and Steve slides gratefully into them.


	8. Status Quo Ante

INTERIOR - STARK TOWER

  
He's home.  
Tony Stark sits on the floor by the window, his bandaged and splinted hands resting in his lap, and looks out at the view he didn't think he'd be seeing again. In front of him is his untouched drink, and to one side, a tablet displaying some half-finished work. He can't settle to anything, and although everyone keeps telling him that this is normal, that he should just let himself rest after his ordeal, this feels different from the last time. The anger is there, sure, and the fear and the relief and the gratitude, but there's something new, a forlorn feeling and an emptiness inside. He knows perfectly well what it is, but he hasn't told anyone else yet. Because it isn't a part of himself that's missing, it's a part of his life. It's Loki. He misses his friend.

It's not that he's alone - Bruce is being cared for at Stark Tower on Tony's insistence (his injuries aren't major, but it's clear that he's going to need a lot of help dealing with the psychological trauma of his experience) and Clint and Natasha are staying on too to provide support. Other friends drop in from time to time to see how Tony is doing, and he tells them he's fine, not because he can't tell them the truth, but because there's no point. Everyone is well-meaning and kind, but they don't know how it feels to be pared down until your whole existence is nothing but a pinpoint of agony, and then to feel yourself poured back into the empty vessel, all the time wondering if it's the same self or something new, something you created in order to fill the void. No, that's not even true, maybe some of the others know but they hide it deep inside themselves whereas Loki always talks to him fearlessly, and listens with interest to everything he has to say. It's not pity Tony wants right now, it's understanding, and he feels that there's only one person who can give it to him.

And then at last Loki comes home (and the tower is his home now, whatever Thor might like to believe). Tony doesn't see him at first - Steve carries the god, exhausted by his journey, to his room, before coming to check on his host. Several times over the next 24 hours, Tony finds himself passing Loki's door on some flimsy pretext, but there's no sound from inside and he knows better than to disturb the god's rest, even when he isn't recovering from a near-death experience. So he waits, looking in on Bruce, chatting with the others, but knowing all the time that he won't be able to move on and engage with his life again until he's got some fairly hefty things off his chest.

He's in his room the next morning when he hears a knock at the door and his heart does a strange little flip - he knows that knock. Instead of just inviting his guest inside, he moves quickly to the door and opens it himself. For a moment there is silence as they both assess each other, scanning up and down for injuries. Loki doesn't look well but he's looked a lot worse, although he is bracing himself on the doorframe with one arm, and the other is still heavily bandaged. But the frown on his face suggests that Tony is looking every bit as lousy as he feels.

'You're lucky you can pull off the death metal look,' Tony jokes. 'I'm guessing it's not really working for me though?'

Loki smiles fondly. 'When I came to live here I could understand barely half of your jabbering, and now, a mere six months later, I find that it is starting to make sense to me. Should I be very concerned?'

'Yes, probably. Anyway, come and sit down, before one of us keels over. Neither of us is in a fit state to pick the other one up off the floor if that happens. Drink?'

At Loki's nod, Tony moves over to the table and picks up a bottle of Scotch. He's been refusing help with anything manual, forcing himself to do as much as possible even when his hands are aching so much he feels sick with the pain. He's actually pretty dextrous now as he manipulates the bottle between his bandaged hands, but at the last minute it slips from his grip and he lets out a furious oath. But it never hits the floor.

'Damn, I forgot how fast you were!' he breathes as Loki pours two generous measures and caps the bottle again. The god carries both glasses over to the couch and waits for Tony to sit down before patiently positioning one of them in his outstretched hands. 'I guess that means the magic's back online again after the full-body reboot?'

'Not entirely, but it will return with time.' Loki is still staring at Tony's hands in a way that everyone else has been avoiding, and he finds it oddly refreshing. 'How bad is the pain?' asks the god, and it's not pity Tony sees in his eyes but empathy, and that makes all the difference.

'On a scale of one to ten, it sucks basically. And it isn't getting any better.' He hears the frustration in his own voice, but Loki just nods his understanding.

'No, it won't. Not for another few days. There is a reason they always start with the hands.' He looks down at his own long fingers, curled around the glass. 'And it's not just the pain, is it? It's the helplessness.'  
  
Yes. And just like that, Tony feels a little of the heaviness and the horror of the past few days lift from his soul. The glass trembles in his cupped hands and Loki takes it from him gently and places it on the table along with his own. There's nothing patronising about it, it's just.. thoughtful. 'I won't be helpless for long though,' Tony answers lightly. 'I'm having the bones replaced with an adamantium-titanium alloy. The new me is going to be a lot less breakable, I've decided.'

'The old you is surprisingly robust for a human.' (Loki's specialty is the back-handed compliment.) 'But it is not a bad idea. To have armour inside and out, to be so much less vulnerable, it would be a great advantage. I wish..'

'Loki..'

The god follows Tony's anxious gaze and realises that he's been scratching unconsciously at his own arm, causing blood to seep through the white bandages again. His look of surprise is quickly replaced by annoyance, to have been caught out like that, but Tony hastens to distract him, saying, 'It's so hard to believe that I did that. Or that you let me. Why is it healing so slowly?'

Loki looks uncomfortable as if he senses what's coming, and explains that he'd placed a small enchantment on the dagger to stop the wounds from closing too soon. 'It is possible that I overdid the spell somewhat,' he sighs.

'That's.. so gross. I hope you didn't tell me that at the time. But seriously, Loki, I've been thinking about what you did and how much I owe you, and..'

Loki cuts him off with a hand gesture that is probably supposed to be haughty but comes across as more panicky than anything. 'I do not require your thanks. I require you to get better and to carry on being your usual aggravating self.'

'I don't care if you 'require' them or not, I need to say this, you freaky alien weirdo. I don't know what you were thinking when you decided on that plan, and I know you did it for Steve, and probably for Bruce too, but the result was that you did more to rescue me than anyone. I'm not even going to say the word 'thanks' because it seems so small and, I don't know, just totally inadequate. I'd thank someone for holding a door open or passing me the salt, and I can't just thank you for what you did. I still don't know all the details but you tried something no-one's ever tried before and you succeeded. You risked your life, your sanity, everything and you came through for us. Everyone knows it, but I _feel_ it, every moment of the day. So whatever you were thinking when you did it, I need you to know that to me, you're a fucking hero. And don't ever forget it.'

Loki has gone completely still and appears to be giving Tony his full attention, and Stark wonders what's going through the god's mind. Is he finally ready to accept that he might actually deserve someone's gratitude? Tony can see emotions flickering across that sensitive expressive face, but instead of trying to decipher them, he just waits for his words to fully sink in.

Finally Loki answers him, his voice oddly husky and his eyes evasive. 'Do you need me to say it? I did it for you also. You have become important to me, and if I could not have saved you, I would at least have avenged you.'

Tony's breath catches in his throat. He feels as if he's just been given a precious gift and he treasures the moment in silence before saying, 'Then how about a toast, to the newest Avenger?'

Loki smiles and leans over to pick up their glasses, and as he does so, his fall of dark hair slips from his neck revealing a small mottled bruise on the side of his throat. As he straightens up, Tony darts forward and brushes the hair from the other side, uncovering four more identical marks. Loki pulls away instantly, shaking his hair forward to cover the bruises, but it's too late. There was something strangely familiar about the shape of the marks, too uniform and delineated at the edges and Tony feels a rush of queasiness as an image of his metal glove flashes into his mind.

'What did I do to you?'

'What did you do?' Loki laughs a little breathlessly. 'What didn't you do? You throttled me, defended me, insulted me, trusted me, cut into my flesh when I asked you to, and you....' He stops suddenly and his eyes widen as if he's said too much, but Tony isn't going to back down on this. He needs to know everything now.

'And I what?' he asks flatly.

Even now, months after the slave collar was removed, Loki has a habit of touching his own throat whenever he's unsure of himself. His fingers brush against his neck now as he opens his mouth, then closes it again. But then his hand falls into his lap and he meets Tony's expectant gaze with a look of resignation. 'It is all about trust. The word never meant a great deal to me in the past, except as a means to an end. The thing itself I counted as valueless. But now.. ' He pauses and seems to gather his strength before continuing. 'Now things are different and I wish to be worthy of trust. But it is complicated..' He looks at Tony, begging him to understand. 'I will be in love with Steve Rogers until the day I die, and yet there are things that I cannot tell him, and do not wish to. I think perhaps because I do not understand why he loves me and I am afraid that one day I will do something to destroy that love. He asks for complete honesty, but I hold back because he doesn't know what he is asking for. But with you.. it is different. I feel that honesty will not destroy what we share, and I.. I need to know that there is one person in the universe who knows who and what I am.' Again he steels himself visibly. 'There was a moment, just before I returned, when you.. you kissed me. And I allowed you to.'

Tony lets out a small groan. 'Because afterward it would never really have happened? I'm not entirely surprised - that sounds like the sort of thing I might try. Loki, I'm so... I don't know what to say to you.'

'Well, you were correct in a way - the only place the kiss exists now is in my memory. It wasn't real. And yet in the end, I decided that perhaps you should know. It felt.. unfair not to tell you.'

'I think I understand, really. Will it be ok? Between us, I mean?'

'Of course.' Loki replies with certainty. 'We are friends, are we not?  
  
'Always. Just, you know, incredibly hot ones with searing chemistry.'

Loki's laugh is a wonderful sound, and Tony watches him, chuckling. The emptiness inside him is gone for now, and in its place is only warmth and contentment, a sense of a perfect moment. It's something beautiful to cherish through whatever might lie ahead.

'You are good for me, Tony Stark. And just so that we are even..' Loki leans forward and presses a chaste but earnest kiss on Tony's lips. He is smiling as he pulls away. 'There. No secrets between us.'

'No secrets.' Tony echoes. 'So come on then, tell me the whole story, from the start. I got the abridged version from Fury, but I really want to hear it from you. And don't leave out any of the gory details, or I'll know.'

Loki tops up their glasses and settles himself more comfortably on the sofa, pulling his long legs up under him. 'Very well, I will leave nothing out. And be assured that this is a fuller version than the one I gave to Fury upon my recovery. There are things that even he does not need to know.' And with that, he begins.

 

_**The portal was only open for a few seconds before the Tesseract shut down the beam of energy, but it was long enough...** _

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for reading, everyone! The comments and encouragement have been really helpful. I'm going to take a break now and read other people's fics for a bit, but I'll almost certainly be back if anyone fancies more of the same. (Because whumping Loki and having the Avengers care for him does crazy things to my brain and I can't seem to stop..) Bye for now X


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